I Am Smitten for Hands

January 2, 2014 § Leave a comment

Hands are such stunning sexual tools. There are just so many ways they can be used on the body. One of my favorite ways is to simply set your hand on your lover and hold it there. Hold their vulva, their penis, their breast. Sit quietly and let their body begin to thump under your touch. Don’t move, tickle or stroke. Just hold them and let them breath. Hold them until they wiggle and ask for more. And them hold them just a bit longer to inspire feelings of playful anticipation. It’s such a simple technique that has such possibility.

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This post is inspired by a very touching letter I just received from a woman who is so beautifully conscious and growing in her sexuality. I asked if I could share it because I think there is much to learn from her. She generously said yes.

Ducky,

I attended your Girl Gasms class at Seattle’s Wild at Heart this past year, and I wanted to thank you in particular for the tip on simply holding my hand over my vulva to bring the blood and heat up. I’ve incorporated that into my masturbation with nice results.

I’ve attempted to add it into partner-sex, but have noticed that my recent partners (i.e., exes) have been admittedly too impatient to provide me with such stimulation. Last week I requested it during a session with a body worker and made a fundamental realization: the first thing I should be asking for in any sex negotiation – after safer sex standards, perhaps – is time. It was initially weird and awkward for me to just lie there while someone hovered patiently above me with their gloved hand on my cunt. I found that when we made eye contact, we’d both break into these goofy grins. I initially tried to fill the quiet with talk of my observations, but realized that the session was about keeping me in headspace, so I worked on receiving without trying to cater to – by way of second-guessing – my partner as much.

At the point where I accepted that I had plenty of time to relax and enjoy, I found that negotiation for adjustments became much easier. I wasn’t frustrated if he didn’t get it immediately, because explaining wasn’t cutting into what I considered to be a very finite amount of time to get it right before I catered to him. The more clearly and smoothly I could explain, the more I got what I wanted.

It’s all very simple, but this solution has been overshadowed by the fact that I’ve spent the last 25 years reacting to selfish partners who had their own agenda – either them directly or overlaying the memory of them onto the few good lovers I had. I’ve done a lot of work on myself over the past five years, so the temptation to kick myself or others for lost pleasure is diminished. Now I look forward to my sensual future.

Taking your class and practicing some of what I learned from it has brought me to this point, and I appreciate you making a career out of sharing what you’ve learned.

Love hands too? You might also enjoy: Stroke That: how to Rub Her the Right Way and Help! I Need Some Fool Proof Hand Job Techniques!

Lust for Underthings: I Want The Panties!

February 7, 2013 § Leave a comment

love me stockings fredericks

It all started when I stumbled onto these love me stockings. So cute and sexy. From there I had to groom the entire Frederick’s of Hollywood site and make a wish list of wants!

Ruffles are the bomb. I love this ruffled halter bra and this ruffled cup chemise. I like this halter chemise too. Perfect for girls with big boobs and lush hips. I also have totally been digging panties like these with a heart shaped cut out and a key hole cut out. Cute! I think I might need a little satin kimono like this also. It makes every day a little sexier.

I have expounded on my love of cage panties. I recently got these eyelash lace cage panties. They run a little small but then a girls plushness just billows out. Kinda cute like that. And this little borelo set is so comfortable and sexy. I love it.

For me, feeling beautiful all starts with what I slip into first thing in the morning. Pretty underthings are an awesome way to start the day.

Orgasm: In Six Words

September 13, 2012 § 5 Comments

Can’t orgasm after watching Breaking Bad…

I just can’t do it alone.

Tart on sale, two for one!

Simultaneous telephone climaxes; distant lovers reunited.

Heart thumping toe curling Hitachi monster

Electric vibrator squeezing gspot squirt ensues

Mind-blowing passion-filled self-righteousness

Furious fornicating fuels fantastic fucking feeling

Primal grunting, humping with abandon

Phalangeal jackhammers deconstruct my sexual prudence

Animalistic, ritualistic, twisted, never ending high.

Weasels slowly rend my flesh, pleasantly

“Get the dogs off the bed!!!”

Shameless act of fury between mammals

Screaming hours soaked sheets stripping FUN!!!

Everything pounding. Thump, thump, thump . . . ahhhhhhhhhh!

Yeah keep doing that right there

Toe curling stir-crazy uninhibited dream

Sneaky creeping implosion of hovering warmth

Lips, tongue, fingers ~ warm crashing waves

Warm… wonderful… wet… wanton…  wankin’… wave

Holy mother fucking shit i’m coming

Limb tingling, breath stopping, roller coaster

Stargate rocket explosion wolven caveman attack

Like Carrie when the bucket drops

Tense, twitchy, toe tingling, throaty, tumescent

Intense, heart-pounding, muscle numbing, piercing, vivid.

Breath catches. Muscles tense. Infinity begins.

Joyously frightening tightening snowball effect experience

Full body, gasping, wailing, language lost

Mind-numbing warm rush of love shudders

Deep body quakes again and again….

Uncontrolled flowing waves from my center

Honeyed ecstasy: like the tide swelling

Spiritual katrina, gladly felt levies break

Alive pressure built release relief bliss

Oh where is the off switch

Just like that – BAM! Now floating…

Floating, sinking, out of body experience.

I burn in joy, in light

Total, tremendous, tingling torrent of triumph

Best feeling humans can have….ever!

Self-indulging out-of-body intoxication

Toe curling, breath stopping, headache inducing

Pain and euphoria in beautiful alignment.

My vagina gasps for breath, mercy

Clit so swollen, can’t even touch

Magical heavenly touches, tongue tasting myself

Intense crimson leg-cramping deep quickie

My calf muscles always cramp after

The world stops spinning, I’m pulsating.

Calf chilling, cunt glowing, perma-smile, stillness

Primal draining intense life altering moment

Can’t breathe. Can’t move. Perfect Sunday.

I totally just *had* an orgasm!

Delightfully big ‘ol sloppy wet messiness.

Please don’t let me go yet

Two hours well spent. Two more?

Ahhh, again, again, again, again! Another.

Please may I? THANK YOU DADDY!

Like a slice of chocolate cake

Like biting into a peppermint patty

Makes me sleepy like Thanksgiving dinner.

So much better than counting sheep

Relaxing tuck into bed and zzzzz

Stunning blindness, I just let go.

Wait, that was it? Oh well…

Have the Best Smelling Pussy Ever

September 5, 2012 § 9 Comments

Your pussy is perfect. Here are some tips for caring for your sweet thang.

  1. Pussy scent is normal. Often our lovers are very fond of our scent. But scent can mean many things. For some women the scent light and for others it is stronger.  After you shower, you’ll have less scent. After you work out, you probably need a shower. Sometimes your scent will be off and lets you know you are not well and may need to see a doctor, so…
  2. Learn your scent. The trouble is your nose is not ergonomically positioned for you to really be able to smell your own pussy, so just touch yourself and smell your fingers. Learn to know your scent when you are healthy. This way if you ever have an infection (yeast, bacterial, sexually transmitted infection) you will have some clue about how you should smell when you are well. If your pussy smells funny or you feel burning or itching, see a doctor.
  3. Don’t be too clean. Your vagina is self cleaning. It’s kinda like your eyes. They keep themselves clean and if you put a bunch of soap or perfume in them, it’s not healthy. Same idea. But your outer lips need to be washed. (Read step 5.) But don’t douche internally. Douching actually washes away your natural bacteria (the good stuff that keeps you healthy) and throws off your pH balance.
  4. Deodorants & perfumes are toxic. Avoid putting anything with perfumes or deodorants in your pussy or on your vaginal lips. This includes soaps, feminine sprays, suppositories,wipes, tampons & pads. Always go for the scent free option. You’ll smell better in the long run if you just go simple.
  5. Best soap ever. The only vulva soap I would ever recommend is Splash. It’s the purest stuff out there. Primarily made of coconut oil and sea salts. Splash is free of perfumes, glycerine, glycerol, parabens, DEA, gluten, PEG, propylene glycol, sorbitol and sulfates. Not only is it awesome pussy soap, but it’s AMAZING bubble bath too. Perfect for those of us who are allergic to harsh soap and/or have a tendency toward UTIs. If you can’t afford Splash, use water and no soap at all. You will smell better using straight up water than you will using harsh bar soaps and perfumed body washes because you will not be throwing off the pH balance of your vagina. Trust me. Give water a try for 2-3 weeks and you will feel the difference.
  6. Uh oh, my girl smells funny. If your lover has a scent that alerts you something may be wrong, you can handle it. Remember she may not be aware of her scent. She may just not be very conscious in her body. Or sometimes her scent will change slowly and she is just not yet aware. Other times, if the issue has been going on for a while, she may have grown sort of immune to her own scent. This frequently happens when a person has an ongoing issue coupled with mental depression. So care for her. Find a positive way to present the issue. You might say, “You are so f’in sexy. But I think you may have an infection. Will you consider getting it checked out for me?” There is always a kind way to approach even the toughest subjects. Help her care for herself. We all need that sometimes.

Ducky’s Guide to UTI Prevention

April 3, 2012 § 6 Comments

cranberries uti prevention UTI stands for Urinary Tract Infection. The urinary tract includes the urethra, bladder, the ureter tubes that connect the bladder to the kidneys and the kidneys. Almost every woman will have one at some point in her life. A UTI is usually caused by bacteria but can sometimes be caused by increased sexual activity, sexually transmitted infections (STDs), low immune system, poor diet, stress, birth defects, or surgery. Pregnant women (due to pelvic pressure) and postmenopausal women (due to hormonal changes) may be more susceptible to UTIs.

Prevention

  • Wear cotton underwear. Wear loose clothing rather than tight jeans or pantyhose.
  • Take showers rather than baths.
  • Always wipe front to back after you go to the bathroom to avoid getting bacteria from your rectum into your urethra.
  • Be patient when you go to the bathroom and give yourself a chance to completely empty your bladder.
  • Have foreplay in the shower, taking time to wash away any bacteria that may be on your or your partner’s hands and body. Make it a fun part of your sex play.
  • Pee after sex play to flush any possible bacteria out of your urethral opening.
  • Keep your genital area clean. Wash thoroughly with water. Avoid harsh soaps, glycerin soaps and douches. I recommend that if you want to use soap, use something very mild, like Celaphil liquid. It is available at any pharmacy.
  • Avoid scented sprays and scented panty liners, pads or tampons.
  • Drink pure cranberry juice. Avoid “juice drinks” with corn syrup and other sweeteners. Try to find pure juice, sweetened only with apple juice. Cranberries contain a tannin called proanthocyanidin, which inhibits bacteria from sticking to the bladder walls.
  • Take a daily 400-milligram cranberry-extract tablet. Available at health food stores.
  • Avoid spermicide. Spermicide is sometimes found on condoms or used in conjunction with diaphragms. Spermicide alters the healthy vaginal bacterial flora and can leave you more vulnerable to infections.
  • Consult an herbalist to find the proper teas and herbs that make work for your body.
  • Get plenty of sleep and take measures to reduce stress in your life.
  • Limit sugar, starches, caffeine and alcohol.

Signs of an Infection May Include: Painful urination, frequent urination, trouble passing urine, cloudy urine, fever/chills, blood in urine and/or body aches.

Treatment: See your doctor. Follow their treatment plan. Fever, chills, blood in your urine or pain in your kidneys (your back, below your rib cage) can be signs of an advanced infection and may require more urgent care. As always, drink plenty of liquids. Follow all of the tips for prevention listed above.

Resources: Cabrini Medical Center, Health Magazine, Our Bodies, Ourselves by The Boston Women’s Health Book Collective

Lube is Not a Luxury

November 28, 2011 § 6 Comments

Lube is a skin protector. During sex play it cuts down on friction in ways our natural lubrication cannot. Without lube, that friction can cause microscopic burns that leave you more vulnerable to bacterial or viral infections. Using lube should be a part of every healthy person’s safer sex practices.

MISCONCEPTIONS
1) The biggest lube misconception is that a healthy, naturally wet woman does not need lube. She may be very wet, but lube is still essential.

2) The second major lube misconception is that how wet a woman is displays how turned on she is. Not true. Some women are wet when she’s not sexually excited at all. Or she may be very sexually excited but relatively dry. She may be wetter when she is ovulating. Or less wet during or after menopause. She may simply be dehydrated or on one of the many medication that dries out her eyes, mouth and vagina; especially antihistamines.

What makes you feel sexy?

July 12, 2011 § 3 Comments

My favorite question from last night’s audience was… what makes you feel sexy? It really had me thinking. My answer? When people can see past what I do for a living and simply see me. I love it when a person can drop their preconceived notions of who I may be. When I don’t have to be an expert, or semi-well known “personality” or a fantasy girl… but just me.

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